Mourning Edith

Back in May we promoted the Keep the Spirit of 45′ Alive campaign by sharing the story of Edith Shain and encouraging all of you to listen to the stories of the greatest generation while the opportunity is still with us. It was with deep regret that we learned from Paula Camposano-Robinson, a nurse herself, that Edith passed away on Sunday.

Made an icon by the famous Times Square photograph on V-J Day, Edith kept her identity a secret until the 1970s when she finally acknowledged that she was the nurse.  In her later years she was an active advocate for veterans and projects helping to ensure that World War 2 would not fade from memory.

We mourn her passing and hope that you don’t take the greatest generation for granted; we are losing them one by one.

10 Things to do on Father’s Day

With strength fading and independence slipping away, many elderly Fathers feel lost and out of place. Father’s Day offers us a great chance to celebrate and honor them but many of us have trouble with the how… There is no one answer as every father is unique but here are a few suggestions.

  1. Take Him out to the Ball Game – Father’s Day is the third weekend in June, a great time to catch a game. Order tickets early, get great seats, and consider a special surprise – like an autographed ball, a picture with the mascot, or a message on the score board.
  2. Hang with the Grandkids – Few things can make a Grandfather feel like part of the family like Grandkids who want to be with him. If you need to bridge the generational gap, try the Wii – let Granddad get some ‘street cred’ by trouncing the kids at bowling.
  3. Skype Reunion – You might remember me recommending Skype as a great free software gift for Dad. Here’s a chance to take it a step further, coordinate with your Dad’s old buddies to arrange for a great big Skype reunion. Hopefully this will open the door for regular video chats.
  4. Quickest Way to a Man’s Heart – Get Dad his favorite meal, take him out if you can or take it to him if you can’t. If he drinks, remember to double check his medication before buying him a beer. He might want to contribute, if he does a good compromise is to remind him that dinner is your treat but ask him to get the tip.
  5. Favorite Shared Pastime – Chances are that your Dad gave you a love of one of his pastimes. Consider taking your Dad out for a few hours of your favorite shared pastime; fishing, golfing, crafting, gardening, etc. Tell him how meaningful sharing this pastime has been to you over the years.
  6. Movie Marathon – Is your Dad a huge fan of John Wayne, Bob Hope, Katharine Hepburn, Groucho Marx, or other vintage film stars? Consider a three movie marathon of his favorites with lots of snacks. Get the whole family involved if you can without drama, this is about enjoying his favorites together as a family not giving him lonely reign over the entertainment system for a few hours.
  7. Daddy’s Little Girl – You may be a influential professional or a successful parent yourself, but in many Dad’s eyes their daughter is always first and foremost their Little Girl. It can be hard to step back into that role but its a surefire way to make many Fathers feel like they still belong in the family. Let Dad feel like a provider; listen to his advice or let him treat you to a coffee, basically let him do something for you even though you don’t need him to.
  8. Classic Game Night – Break out the classic card and board games for a good time with Dad and the whole family. Play games he already knows the rules for; games like Monopoly, Hearts, Canasta, or Pokeno. Remember to play with Large Print Playing Cards if Dad is visually impaired.
  9. His Greatest Adventure – Did Dad live overseas, serve in the military, meet someone famous, or do something else that might qualify as an adventure? Remind him of it and get him to tell the story one more time, even if you’ve heard it hundreds of times already. Get the kids to hear it too if you can without too much drama.
  10. Cherished Memory Book – Get in touch with everyone whose life your Dad has touched; ask them each to send you a letter to him along with some photographs. Put them together into a scrapbook commemorating him and letting him know that he’s not forgotten. Not only will it make him feel special now, years from now it stands to become a treasured family heirloom holding memories that would otherwise be forgotten.

After a lifetime in the role, many Fathers feel insecure after they step out of the provider role for their families. Because of this it is important to avoid anything that might make Dad feel unwelcome. Chances are that you don’t see eye to eye with Dad on everything but, at least for Father’s Day, try to let remarks and points of contention slide. Be gracious and patient, focus on the good and avoid drama. Remember, your goal is to celebrate and honor Dad, not get drawn into old arguments.

Letting Go

To let go doesn’t mean to stop caring;
It means I can’t do it for someone else.

To let go is not to cut myself off….
It’s the realization that I can’t control another…..

To let go is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try and change or blame another,
I can only change myself.

To let go is not to care for, but to care about.

To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,
but to allow others to affect their own outcomes.

To let go is not to be protective,
It is to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny, but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes and cherish the moment.

To let go is not to criticize and regulate anyone,
but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To let go is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to fear less and love more.

~Anonymous

Five Classic Male Singers

Few things got my Grandmom hopping, like listening to Bing crooning away.  So a few years ago I got her a CD collection of his.  I feel fortunate that I had early exposure to ‘Classics’; many in my generation and even the generations before me have only a vague idea of what sort of music our elders listened to in their youth.

If you’re looking to buy some nostalgic music for an elderly loved one, here’s a list of ‘Greats’ that its hard to go wrong with!

Nat King Cole

Frank Sinatra

Bing Crosby

Jimmy Durante

Louis Armstrong

Elegy for Rose

 

She is a metal forged by love

too volatile, too fiery thin

so that her substance will be lost

as sudden lightning or as wind.

And yet the ghost of her remains

reflected with the metal gone,

a shadow as of shifting leaves

at moonrise or at early dawn.

A kind of rapture never quite

possessed again, however long

the heart lays siege upon a ghost

recaptured in a web of song.

~Tennessee Williams

 

Originally written by the author of A Streetcar Named Desire for his institutionalized sister, I feel that these poignant words have strong resonance for those of us who have family members afflicted by dementia. It captures the heartbreak of a loved one so close and yet so far.

Our Collection of Father Quotes

How pleasant it is for a father to sit at his child’s board. It is like an aged man reclining under the shadow of an oak which he has planted.
Voltaire

I’ve had a hard life, but my hardships are nothing against the hardships that my father went through in order to get me to where I started.
Bartrand Hubbard

My father didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it.
Clarence Budington Kelland

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around.  But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years.
Mark Twain

I talk and talk and talk, and I haven’t taught people in 50 years what my father taught by example in one week.
Mario Cuomo

My father, when he went, made my childhood a gift of a half a century.
Antonio Porchia

Nothing I’ve ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to my children.
Bill Cosby

It was times like these when I thought my father, who hated guns and had never been to any wars, was the bravest man who ever lived.
Harper Lee

By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong.
Charles Wadsworth

My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me.
Jim Valvano

By profession, I am a soldier and take pride in that fact. But I am prouder – infinitely prouder – to be a father. A soldier destroys in order to build; the father only builds, never destroys. The one has the potentiality of death; the other embodies creation and life. And while the hordes of death are mighty, the battalions of life are mightier still. It is my hope that my son, when I am gone, will remember me not from the battle field but in the home repeating with him our simple daily prayer, ‘Our Father who art in Heaven.’
Douglas Macarthur

The words that a father speaks to his children in the privacy of home are not heard by the world, but, as in whispering-galleries, they are clearly heard at the end and by posterity.
Jean Paul Richter

Being a father, being a friend, those are the things that make me feel successful.
William Hurt

I learned from the example of my father that the manner in which one endures what must be endured is more important than the thing that must be endured.
Dean Acheson

My father died many years ago, and yet when something special happens to me, I talk to him secretly not really knowing whether he hears, but it makes me feel better to half believe it.
Natasha Josefowitz

It is much easier to become a father than to be one.
Kent Nerburn

My father used to play with my brother and me in the yard.  Mother would come out and say, “You’re tearing up the grass.”  “We’re not raising grass,” Dad would reply.  “We’re raising boys.”
Harmon Killebrew

I am not ashamed to say that no man I ever met was my father’s equal, and I never loved any other man as much.
Hedy Lamarr

You know, fathers just have a way of putting everything together.
Erika Cosby

One night a father overheard his son pray: Dear God, Make me the kind of man my Daddy is. Later that night, the Father prayed, Dear God, Make me the kind of man my son wants me to be.
Anonymous

A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty.
Unknown

Can you relate to any of our quotations? Do you have a quote that you’d like us to add to our collection? Please, let us know!